I miss Philly, too.

I think I'm glad to be home? I don't know why I thought it would be easy to live without my dear friend nearby, I did it for three years after all. Everything feels different now, not that I expected things to be just as they were when I left, but I don't know what it's supposed to be now. Sometimes I wish I had stayed on the east coast, but I think about how miserable I was there and wonder if location makes any difference at all, if I'll feel like this wherever I go, whoever is there or not...

"I wonder if you're mythologizing me like I do you."

In my dreams it's always Christmas time and you're telling me what I already know, but shouldn't it be different in dreams? We were driving through Nic's neighborhood and every house was on fire. You put your arm around me like in a song, and at home I found a note with our names on it together, as if we'd always received things addressed to the both of us. No, I know you must not be mythologizing me like I do you, and when I think of what you probably are doing I have to laugh to myself. I'd rather remember things the way I wanted them to be and not what they actually were, but it's hard when you keep ending things in dreams.